I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
