Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
