my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize