Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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