Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm really busy with my period
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