i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
