She is in my trunk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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