i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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