no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
