My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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