Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
