that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
