Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
