Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
