Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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