STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
