I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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