I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
