nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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