i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
