Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
