Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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