Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
