I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
