So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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