My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Terrible idea I love it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
