When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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