he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
