if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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