Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
