the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
