Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
