Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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