Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
