Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Are we in a gay sports bar?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize