Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
