My friends, they love my intelligence
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
