I think I won the penis lottery.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
