meet me or not, i'm out of control
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
