Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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