Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
