I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
