Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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