What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
