please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
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