bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
