Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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