Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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