I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize