while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
