Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
