ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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