Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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