your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
