The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
