overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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