i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize