"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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