Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
