he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
