Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
