If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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