Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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