Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
