Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
