my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
