i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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