He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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