the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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