the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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