I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize