I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
