My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
