You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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