this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
