The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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