I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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