I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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