so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
