We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
