just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
