Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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