if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
