right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize