the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
