Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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