I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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