just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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