Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you would pick up someone in the library
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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