Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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