positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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