He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
