I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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