I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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