I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
