Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
