Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
