community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize