apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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